I'll Be Fine
by WarblerKlaine
Summary: When Nate has a huge arguement with Shane, things are said that shouldn't have been, and Nate leaves. Two years on, Nate isn't well, and Shane and Jason still don't know where he is.. Will they ever be reunited? Depression and mentions of self-harm. x
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Disney, Camp Rock, or the Jonas Brothers at all! Sure, I wish I did, but I don't :( No copyright intended. I'm sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes as auto correct wouldn't work properly. Also, I'm sorry if anything is medically incorrect, it all came out of my mind and imagination****, and I hope I don't cause any offence with my portrayal of depression, I aren't stereotyping or anything, it's just how I thought his character should be x**

I'll Be Fine - Prologue

"_Oh, for gods sake, Shane! It isn't hard to turn up to rehearsal once in a while!" Nate sighed in frustration. Shane scoffed, _

"_You know perfectly well that me and Mitchie had a date."_

"_I knew nothing about it! You never tell us anything anymore, and the label is so mad at you! I mean, I love that you were the old Shane again, but now you're another new Shane, a Shane that doesn't care about the band, and only cares about his girlfriend." Nate scowled. Shane glared,_

"_If you have a problem with Mitchie, then say it to my face Nate!" Shane growled in fury. Nate scoffed,_

"_Are you kidding, Shane? You know I love Mitchie, everyone loves Mitchie, but even she agrees that you're too preoccupied to care about the band!"_

"_Well fine then, if everyone agrees, then I guess my minds made up eh?" Nate gritted his teeth in anger and confusion._

"_I guess Connect 3 is disconnected." Shane snorted, grabbing his coat, but Nate grabbed his hand, digging his nails into his brother's wrist._

"_Excuse me? Shane! You can't do this! You just can't! Not to me and Jason. You can't!" Nate gasped, his face falling from angry to pleading._

"_Do me a favour, Nate," Shane began, grabbing his brother's collar, and pulling him close, "Go die… Go die, coz I really don't care. If you can't care about me and my feelings then I guess I won't care about yours." Shane spat, pushing his brother back, making him stumble into a wall, before throwing open the door and storming out, slamming the door behind him. Nate stared, mouth agape, tears in his eyes. Did Shane, his big brother, the person who has always been there for him, just told him to 'go die'? Nate gulped back a sob. He did. He really told him to… A tear ran down Nate's face, before his shocked frown merged into a heartbroken glare._

"_Fine. You want me gone, Shane? Then I guess it's time for me to go." He whispered brokenly, wiping away his tears and walking shakily into his room, throwing his most necessary belongings into a small duffle bag. He took one look round and his face dropped. His guitars. He could only take one if he wanted to get away unnoticed. And his drums, he couldn't take them, any of his instruments, to be honest, his keyboards, pianos… Nothing. He sighed, and grabbed his favourite guitar, the first one he ever got, and his drumsticks, if he couldn't have his drums, he could take something to remember them by. He quickly shoved his guitar into its case and threw it over his shoulder. He would have to leave most of his stuff behind, all his clothes, all his shoes, all his old toys. A single tear ran down his cheek as he fondly looked over all his family photos, before picking up his favourite, when he was five, Shane was seven and Jason was eight, and they had got their very first instruments. Nate, a small junior drum set, Shane had got a practice electric guitar and Jason had received a real acoustic guitar. He sighed and opened his music book, tearing out a centre page and quickly scrawling a quick note to… Well, to anyone who cared enough to read it. Suddenly, Nate heard a car door slam from outside. He ran to the window, Jason was home. Uh oh! Nate frowned, as he grabbed his duffle bag and coat and legged it for the door, if he could just get out before Jason got in. He opened the door and ran, running through the hall, into the kitchen and out of the back door. He couldn't stop now. He could never stop. He wasn't wanted here, so he had to go, he thought as he reached the end of the garden, watching closely as Jason opened the front door, before jumping the garden fence and sprinting down the street. He ran and ran and ran, and only stopped when he reached the train station. He unzipped his bag and pulled out his credit card and passport. Now he just had to decide where to go. Where in the world wouldn't he be found? Then it hit him. He didn't have to stay in America anymore. He had the entire world under his feet, in his reach. Where could, or should he go?_


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Disney, Camp Rock, or the Jonas Brothers at all! Sure, I wish I did, but I don't :( No copyright intended. I'm sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes as auto correct wouldn't work properly. Also, I'm sorry if anything is medically incorrect, it all came out of my mind and imagination****, and I hope I don't cause any offence with my portrayal of depression, I aren't stereotyping or anything, it's just how I thought his character should be x**

I'll Be Fine – Chapter 1

Two Years Later

Nick frowned. Then again, when didn't Nick frown? With his severe depression, he wasn't expected to smile. It was actually quite a wonder that he could write music that people liked, since they were mostly about depressing things. His mind didn't stretch very far anymore, he had barely any imagination, but still people loved him. He was a very talented musician. But Nick wasn't frowning out of habit here. He'd just noticed that he had a TV appearance today. Nick really hated going on TV. As much as he loved the publicity, the fans, they expected him to be happy, jumpy, excited. They expected him to brush off the silly 'depression' rumours and laugh, but he couldn't. He hadn't laughed in just under three years, and he didn't want to start now, well, he couldn't start anyway. He looked down and sighed, before walking to him medicine cabinet and pulling out his morning medication. He washed his hands and grabbed an alcohol pad, quickly wiping his fingertip, before gently picking up a lancet and pricking the sterile area. He flinched as a small drop of blood oozed out. He'd always hated blood. How ironic. He gently wiped the droplet on a test strip and put his finger in his mouth to stop the blood. He sighed as he automatically shoved the strip into the glucose meter and waited as the numbers added up… 112. He frowned, even though it was at a good level. He then pulled out a fresh needle and put on the arm strap, tightening it before injecting the needle. He bit his lip as the cold metal cut through his flesh, wincing. When it was done, he pulled it out and chucked it into the bin, rubbing the sore spot on his arm. He sighed again as he tipped the small plastic tub into his hand counting out three pills. One. Two… He shook the tub a little… Three. He quickly swallowed them, and coughed, what a routine. I bet many people wished to do this automatically every morning, he thought sarcastically, putting the medication back into the closet and frowning again when he saw his reflection. He rubbed the bags under his eyes and ruffled his curly, messy hair. He turned the warm tap on and plugged up the sink, waiting for it to fill. When it did, he gently cupped his hands and splashed his face, rubbing his cheeks and forehead, washing his hands again, before unplugging it. His phone, in his back pocket began to vibrate. He dried his hands on his shirt, before yanking it out.

Philip, his manager.

He answered it.

"Hey Philip. What's up?" he asked in his dull, monotone voice.

"Where are you, Nick? The show starts in half an hour, and it's live!" the worried voice yelped.

"Don't worry, I just had to sort out my medication and check my blood sugar. I'll be there in ten." He replied dully.

"Okay, okay, well, I sent a car about fifteen minutes ago, it's probably waiting, I'd have thought they'd have come to the door." Philip replied unsurely. Nick peeked out of the window. Sure enough, there was a car there.

"Yeah it's there. I'm on my way." He mumbled as he made his way through the house, hanging up. He grabbed his coat and pulled on some boots and walking to the door, looking up at the framed photo besides it. He frowned, eyes swimming with tears, fingers timidly reaching up to stroke the picture of the three young boys. Three years was a very long time. He sighed, dropping his hands, he sighed quite a lot these days, sighed and frowned. He shook his head, blinking to rid himself of the tears, and walking through the door, locking it behind him.

"Hurry up, Shane! Hot Tunes UK's starting!" Jason yelled excitedly. Hot Tunes UK was his new favourite show, since it had a Birdwatch documentary on it every day since a few weeks ago. Shane rolled his eyes and walked into the living room, slouching onto the sofa next to his brother. The opening titles flashed on the screen and Emma Clarence, the cute, young Hot Tunes UK presenter, popped up.

"Hi and welcome to Hot Tunes UK! Today, we have a great line up for you! With a few special guests." She giggled, flicking her blonde hair.

"But anyway, today we have, broken hearts, lost families and the results of psychological trauma to children… But we also have another episode of 'Bird Watch', information on a new series of Britain's got Talent and a special performance from Nick Jonas himself!" Shane froze. 'Nick Jonas'… That sounded so familiar…

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he heard Jason ask. Shane turned to look at him. He had a serious face on. Shane nodded unsurely just as Jason jumped up and down squealing.

"Bird Watch, Bird Watch, Bird Watch" he laughed joyously, like a young child on their birthday, as the familiar tweet theme tune began. Shane groaned and threw his head back. Minutes passed and the clock ticked lazily by. How could they have a bird show this long? Shane thought in impatience. Suddenly, the blonde presenters face popped back up and Jason let out a long whine.

"Oh my gosh, wasn't that so interesting! I really didn't know that about common sparrows! Wow, but anyway, now, for all you Jonas fans, or just fans of very, very cute guys! Here's Nick Jonas for all your viewing pleasures! Whoop, whoop, hahaha!" Emma giggled on the screen as a tall dark haired guy walked on screen. Shane and Jason both froze in shock. The camera zoomed in on his face. They stayed silent as they watched the pale face framed with dark corkscrew curls stare blankly with his familiar chocolate brown eyes. He looked so different. So much paler, his eyes dead and lips also pale, hair scruffy and long. The camera zoomed out and they gasped at his fragile, skinny form and baggy clothes.

"No way!" Jason whispered. Shane's mouth was wide open.

"So Nick, how are you." Emma asked cheerily, eyes scanning him carefully. Nick looked up at her,

"I'm good. Quite busy, but that's all you can expect really." Nick whispered. Emma frowned before continuing,

"So, you're very popular aren't you? I've certainly heard a lot about you." She giggled jokily. Nick looked confused,

"Like what?" he asked cluelessly. Emma bit her lip.

"Erm… Well, about your recent diagnosis of… erm… and your latest tour, and your…" she trailed off, trying desperately not to upset him.

"My depression?" he finished quietly. Emma nodded awkwardly. Shane and Jason frowned. Depression?

"Erm… yeah. So, Nick, how's your tour going?" she changed the subject quickly.

"It's okay. Great to connect with the fans again." Shane noticed how he flinched when he said the word Connect,

"And my music is my life… It really gets my mind off of other… Things." He added. This was obviously not what Emma had wanted, for him to rewind back to the former awkwardness of dancing around his delicate mental state. He looked up at her again, still frowning, in fact, he hadn't smiled at all yet, Shane had noticed, did he ever smile?

"You can say it, you know. I've already come to terms with the fact I won't live to see my 40th birthday." He said dully, as if he wasn't bothered in the slightest. Emma's eyes widened.

"Oh, no, no! I didn't mean… I mean, I really…" she stuttered, blushing, she hadn't expected the interview to head in this direction. Nate held up a hand to shush her.

"It's ok. I can talk about it. My name is Nicholas Jonas, though I changed it from Nathaniel Grey just less than two years ago when I ran away from my family, who I haven't seen since, and if they're watching… Though they probably aren't, then I guess they can see what a state I am… So that's some news for you all," he scowled, eyes pricking with tears as the camera men frowned, they wanted an interview? That's what they're getting, tonnes new info for the magazines to feed upon. "I have Type 1 diabetes, which is fatal without my insulin. I have severe depression, and people are amazed that I never tried to kill myself as a result. I have no friends. I write depressing songs that people seem to like, though my music is spiralling out of control so quick that the sales are dropping faster than dead flies. They want me to move into a 'psychological treatment centre' so I can 'heal' faster. That's probably everything about me. Shall I sing now?" he muttered in one breath, his expression never changing, his voice staying monotone, as if he was simply stating his name. Emma just stood in shock.

"Oh… Erm, yeah. Sure. Lets go." She said awkwardly, gesturing to the mike next to her. He stood up and walked over.

"Okay. So I wrote this when I first found out about my diabetes. It's called A Little Bit Longer. Here we go," he coughed, clearing his throat. His expression was still perfectly straight and serious, whilst sad at the same time.

"This song… Is for every broken heart, every lost dream. It's for every high, and for every low, for every person, who has ever felt alone. And for tonight, this song... This song's for you." He started, looking straight into the camera, and to Shane and Jason, it felt as though he could see them, as if he was staring into their souls as the tears began to roll down his cheeks. With a sniff and a rub of his eyes, he began to sing.

"Got the news today  
>Doctors said I had to stay<br>A little bit longer and I'll be fine  
>When I thought it'd all be done<br>When I thought it'd all been said  
>A little bit longer and I'll be fine.<br>But you don't know what you got 'til it's gone  
>And you don't know what it's like to feel so low<br>And every time you smile you laugh you glow  
>You don't even know, know, know.<br>You don't even know  
>all this time goes by<br>Still no reason why  
>A little bit longer and I'll be fine.<br>Waitin' on a cure  
>But none of them are sure<br>A little bit longer and I'll be fine  
>But you don't know what you got 'til it's gone<br>You don't know what its like to feel so low.  
>And every time you smile you laugh you glow<br>You don't even know, know, know.  
>You don't even know, know, know.<br>You don't even know, no  
>and you don't know what you got 'til it's gone.<br>Don't know what it's like to feel so low, yeah!  
>And every time you smile you laugh you glow,<br>You don't even know! Yeah! Whoah!  
>So I'll wait 'til kingdom come.<br>All the highs and lows are gone.  
>A little bit longer and I'll be fine.<br>I'll be...fine" He breathed into the mike, dead eyes now full of tears. Emma looked worried, walking over to him and rubbing circles on his back soothingly. Nick pulled away, wiping away the free flowing tears.

"I have to go," he sniffed, "I'm so sorry, Emma, but I have to check my blood sugar levels again, and take more depression pills, they obviously aren't working. I'm so sorry, I ruined your interview… I, I just…" he sat on the sofa, head in hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Emma looked up unsurely, at the cameras.

"Cut to commercials." She said sternly. Jason and Shane watched and listened as the camera man replied.

"Emma, we really shouldn't…"

"Cut to commercials!" she insisted, sitting besides Nicks shaking body, shooting the camera man a serious look. Suddenly, the screen was filled with a half naked woman with glossy hair, talking about shampoo. Shane groaned in frustration. Jason looked to Shane, tears in his eyes too.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Disney, Camp Rock, or the Jonas Brothers at all! Sure, I wish I did, but I don't :( No copyright intended. I'm sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes as auto correct wouldn't work properly. Also, I'm sorry if anything is medically incorrect, it all came out of my mind and imagination****, and I hope I don't cause any offence with my portrayal of depression, I aren't stereotyping or anything, it's just how I thought his character should be x**

I'll Be Fine – Chapter 2

"Nate's dying? He's dying and he never told us." He whispered. Shane threw an arm around his brother comfortingly.

"He hasn't been in touch at all, I'm sure if he could, he would have." Shane replied sadly, staring at the screen, willing their brother to reappear.

"Why did he leave Shane? I know you know. Why did he run away?" Jason sobbed. Shane froze, frowning, tears falling down his face also.

"B… Because…" Shane signed. It was time to tell the truth, "We had a big fight. A huge fight, not physical, of course, but yelling at each other. It was… What was it about? I think, because I never turned up to rehearsal, when I didn't care about the band, too absorbed in Mitchie," he smiled fondly at the thought of his now fiancée, "And he called me out, we argued and I had a go at him, saying he was… What did I say?" he asked himself, the memory was quite hazy.

"Something like, what was it? Oh! Oh, I remember, I told him I quit the band, that I was leaving the band so I could spend time with Mitchie, and he got upset because I was ruining your dreams. And then I… I told him…" Shane trailed off. Jason looked up, determination in his tear filled eyes.

"What did you say, Shane? What did you tell him?" Jason asked, voice high and accusing. Shane sighed, wiping away a tear.

"I… I, well… I kind of told him… I kind of said…" Shane sobbed

"Well?" Jason yelled. Shane looked down to his feet.

"I kind of told him… To go die." He whispered… Jason froze.

"What!" he choked, turning to Shane.

"I told him to go die." Shane wailed. Jason opened his mouth to yell at his brother, but then shut it again. A moment later he opened it again.

"I can't believe you, Shane. How could you? He is, or he was, our baby brother. He was _seventeen _when he left, Shane. Not even an adult, what would have happened if he had died? Got into an accident, or been mugged? What then?" Shane flinched, not because Jason was yelling, because he wasn't. He was whispering, in such a disappointed, heartbroken tone that made Shane desperately wish he was yelling. Jason watched Shane for a moment before shaking his head and leaving the room. That was the first time Shane had seen Jason so serious, except the few months after Nate had disappeared. He was usually so carefree and innocent, but he was very defensive over his baby brothers. Very defensive. Jason was so heartbroken when Nate left, not eating or smiling or singing, never even squealing when he saw a bird fly by. It was like living with a zombie, but then again, Shane had been the same, because of the nagging, niggling guilt that itched away at him constantly. But now a weight had been lifted, because he knew Nate was alive. And he hadn't known that for the last two years and seven months. He had to fix this. He had to make Jason look at him again. He had to fix Nate, and he had to fix his family. Because all three of them were broken. Connect 3 wasn't Connect 3 with only two people. The Greys couldn't be the Greys without the third brother. It just didn't work. Shane looked up, determined. He was going to fix this. And to do it, he had to go to England. He bit his lip and looked to the door. But first, he had to talk to Jase.

"Shhh… It's okay, Nick, it's okay. Let it out. It's okay." Emma whispered comfortingly into the celebrity's ear as he sobbed uncontrollably onto her shoulder.

"But its not, is it? My life is just a long string of medication and crying. My music isn't even good anymore, because I can't write lyrics anymore. I'm just a dead end celebrity with big dreams and not enough time left to fulfil them. I lost everything, and it's my entire fault." He wailed, before pulling away. Even when crying his heart out, his face held no emotion whatsoever.

"No, no, no, it's not your fault, Nick, it's not. You didn't ask for all this…" She began.

"Emma, commercials are over in one minute. Hurry up!" a deep voice yelled. Emma bit her lip, looking at Nick, worried for him. He shook his head.

"Go. I need to check my levels anyway. And I should take some more insulin. I feel woozy." He lied gesturing for her to go. She still looked unsure.

"I'm fine. I have my manager to watch me. You can't lose your job over this." He insisted, silently adding. 'I'm not worth it.' But he knew better than to actually say it. She frowned and nodded, standing and walking towards the set, watching him over her shoulder. He waved her away. She smiled sadly, and waved back. Nick sighed and stood up, kicking his feet on the floor, frowning, heading to the restrooms, wanting to escape before Philip swooped him away to 'sort out all those future articles going on and on about what you did'. This happened so often, Nick was used to it. It was another reason he hated TV appearances. He always broke down when in the public eye. When he went shopping, he'd have a breakdown. When he was on tour, he'd break down, when he ran into fans, he'd break down. It was becoming another addition to his depressing daily schedule, wake up, take medication, wash, go out, cry, come home, cry, do a show, cry, come home again, wash, cry self to sleep. Yeah. Definitely a regular thing, he thought sadly. He opened a cubicle and sat on the seat of a toilet, putting his head in his hands and crying softly to himself. He hated his life. A washed up celeb who hated himself wasn't going to be very popular for very long. He just dreaded the moment he was lost forever in the depths of forgotten celebrities. He reached into his pocket and felt the cold metal of the razor. No. He wouldn't do that. He couldn't. He furrowed his brow in confusion. When had he put that there, anyway? He thought suspiciously, pulling it out and inspecting it. It was new, unused, so he must have bought it specially. No, he scolded himself. He couldn't do that, pulling it out and chucking it in anger. He musn't have been in a good frame of mind when he planned that. No. He would never do that. Never. He sighed and stood, opening the cubicle door, and wiping his eyes once again, flinching at his pale, skeletal frame in the mirror. He was in deep. But not that deep. He couldn't do that to himself. He would never… But then why did he need to reassure himself so much? He bit his lip, looking to the razor lying on the floor, before mentally scolding himself. No. Never, he thought, storming out of the toilets, hating himself for even entertaining such thoughts in the first place.


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Disney, Camp Rock, or the Jonas Brothers at all! Sure, I wish I did, but I don't :( No copyright intended. I'm sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes as auto correct wouldn't work properly. Also, I'm sorry if anything is medically incorrect, it all came out of my mind and imagination****, and I hope I don't cause any offence with my portrayal of depression, I aren't stereotyping or anything, it's just how I thought his character should be x**

I'll Be Fine – Chapter 3

Jason sat, looking out of the window at the passing clouds, silently. Shane sat besides him watching his brother sadly. Jason wouldn't talk to him. Not since he found out about Nate. Shane couldn't feel sorry for himself; it was his fault, after all. But still, he hated seeing Jason so serious, so… Abnormally quiet. Shane sighed, getting Jason's attention. Jason turned and looked at his brother, who's head was rested on his arms, and couldn't help but feeling bad. Obviously, he felt terrible for what he'd done. But that didn't excuse it. Jason had been devastated when Nate had left; he had spent almost three years convinced that he was dead. Spent the first year grieving, and the second, adjusting to the 'fact' that he had. I mean, he had been lost for two years. They thought he had died, coz otherwise he'd have got in touch, but he wasn't dead. He was alive, but never got in touch, probably because he felt he wasn't wanted, after what Shane had said. Instead, he'd spent two years spiralling out of control. The Nate they saw on Hot Tunes UK was not even a shadow of the Nate they knew, though it was definitely him. Jason's eyes welled up again. And Nate, he'd spent two years on his own, at such a young age, getting bad news after bad news after bad news, and having to suffer alone. Diabetes, depression, they were only the beginning. He had said his music was failing, so his dream was broken aswell. Jason, though it was not at all his fault, would never forgive himself for not being there. Never. Neither would Shane, who was crying silently onto his arms. His life had also spiralled out of control since Nate left. He almost lost the love of his life when he fell into drugs and alcohol, two things he'd vowed never to touch. He was over that now though, he'd been to rehab and Mitchie had forgiven him. He'd almost lost Jason, when Jason had left home to live on his own for a while, to cope with the fact that he hadn't been able to look after his youngest brother. He'd always been so protective, shielding his brothers from anything that could hurt them. He'd always blamed himself, convinced that he hadn't looked after him well enough and it had killed Shane to hide the truth from him, and watch him fall into a depression. Though it was probably not as bad as Nate's depression, it was still terrible. Jason noticed that his brother was crying and scolded himself. Shane was still his brother. Sure, he'd broken their family, and hurt all three in the process, but hadn't Jason promised his mother, on her deathbed, to always watch over them both? He wasn't fulfilling that promise very well, was he? He looked to his baby brothers heaving body and frowned. His emotions were conflicted. The resentment and anger at Shane for ripping him away from Nate was fighting the unconditional love he felt for his brother. He sighed as the latter won and rested his hand on his brothers' arm. Shane jerked and looked up, eyes red and swollen, and confused. Jason sent him an unsure but comforting smile, though his eyes still showed hints of resentment. Shane frowned and tears leaked through once again. Jason pulled his brother into a hug, and rubbed his back comfortingly, as Shane cried onto his shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, Jason, I'm so, so, so sorry!" he sobbed. Jason just nodded, digging his head into his brothers neck, as his own tears began to fall. The cracks that had been made in their relationship were there, and might possibly be there for years to come, but they savoured the moment of brotherly love. It would all be okay soon. They were on their way, now they just needed Nate.

Shane and Jason walked out of the airport.

"What now?" Shane asked, eyes still slightly red, Jason frowned.

"I… I don't know. We should have planned this more. We don't even know where the Hot Tunes UK studio is.

"Well it can't be hard to find out." Shane replied unsurely, pulling out his new phone and tapping the internet button. Jason pulled him over to a bench and they sat as it loaded.

"Don't you think it's weird?" Jason asked.

"What?"

"Just… Sitting here. No fans coming over, no screaming girls, no guards dragging us about." Jason yawned.

"Yeah… I was thinking that a while ago. It's like, I dunno. Like we're…" Shane started.

"Invisible? Nobody?" Jason offered. Shane smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, oh it's loaded! London. We're in London aren't we?" Jason nodded.

"Yeah. Is that a map?" he asked, pointing to an image on the screen.

"Yeah. So… Lets go?" Shane offered. Jason smiled sadly and stood.

"What then? When we get there, I mean. How do we prove we're actually related to him. Will they even know where he lives?" Jason asked.

"Hopefully. And if not, they'll have his manager's number, I'm sure." Shane whispered back as they set off to find their long lost brother.

Nick sat on the edge of his bed, clinging onto the sheets as though he was going to fall any moment. He looked at the tatty guitar in the corner and coughed out a sob. Leaving them was the biggest mistake of his life. But he hadn't wanted to stay where he felt he wasn't wanted. But had they ever told him he wasn't wanted? Had they ever said he was? He didn't know, but he did know that leaving had ruined his life, causing him to lose his dream and fall into a deep depression. So many times had he picked up the phone and typed in the numbers he'd spent two years memorizing. But each and every time, he'd lost the nerve and dropped it. He cursed himself. Of course they wanted him. Hadn't he got over 500 missed calls the few days after he'd left? None since though, but that was obviously because he'd been mugged and lost his phone just a week after moving. But then again? Who was he to know they weren't calling to call him a coward and a baby? But why would they? Jason wouldn't have, he knew that. Jason had always loved him, made him know how important he was. So why did he leave? Just coz Shane said a few bad words to him? No, Nick didn't even know why he left. Why he changed his name. Was it because he didn't want to be found? Was it closure? He didn't know, and he didn't know if he ever would. Nick Jonas. How original. Nicholas was his middle name and Jonas was his mother's maiden name. He couldn't even think of a good name for himself, he was useless. He stood up and stretched his arms. Every day, every single day, since he'd left, he'd had this conflict in his mind. He sighed and walked into the hall, yanking the picture from the wall and holding it carefully in his hands, softly stroking the baby picture of him and his brothers, a single tear dropped from his face onto the glass frame. He shook his head mournfully and walked back into his room, placing it next to his bed and falling back onto the mattress with a sob. He was messed up. He knew that, though he didn't know why. Maybe, when Shane said all that to him, he snapped? Maybe he wanted to hurt him? Maybe he just needed alone time and went over the top? Maybe he'd never know. His hands floated over his phone unsurely. He had to do it; he had to just hear their voices. Just for a moment. He had to. He picked it up and typed the numbers that were forever burned into his mind and sighed. Here he was again. Would he actually do it this time? Yes. He had to. His finger hung over the call button. No. He couldn't. He just wouldn't be able to face them. No, he had to. This time, he had to. He thought determinedly, flinching as his finger, for the first time ever, pushed the button, and the empty bedroom filled with ringing sounds. No, no, no, no, no! No, he couldn't do this. He thought, regretting the decision as his stomach flipped here and there, moving his hand to the end button.

"Hello?" Nicks eyes widened. No. No, no, no! He gulped.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Who is it?" echoed another voice. Nick gulped again and accidentally let out a loud sob.

"I don't kn… Wait, I think they're crying… Nate? Nate is it you?" the voice gasped.

"Is it Nate?" the other voice yelled. No, no, no. They couldn't know.

"Nate! Nate, please say it's you? Please, please say it's you, Nate!" the voices pleaded. Tears ran down his face as he slammed the end button, throwing the phone to the other side of the room, sobbing uncontrollably. He shouldn't have done that. Now they have his number. Sure enough, the phone lit up and began to vibrate. Nate/Nick sobbed and tucked his head in between his legs, curling into a foetal position. Slowly, his eyes drooped under the weight of the tears and he fell asleep, crying.


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own Disney, Camp Rock, or the Jonas Brothers at all! Sure, I wish I did, but I don't :( No copyright intended. I'm sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes as auto correct wouldn't work properly. Also, I'm sorry if anything is medically incorrect, it all came out of my mind and imagination****, and I hope I don't cause any offence with my portrayal of depression, I aren't stereotyping or anything, it's just how I thought his character should be x**

I'll Be Fine – Chapter 4

"Answer your phone! Please, please answer your phone!" sobbed Shane, shaking his phone in frustration. Why had he rung? Why had he hung up? Why? Was it even him? Of course, it had to be. Who else had their number? Who else wouldn't reply 'No, I'm not Nate', who else would be crying when they heard their voices? Jason just sat, crying. He'd been like that since the call. It had been too much, that Nate couldn't even answer them. Shane sighed, and hung his head. It was apparent that Nate wouldn't answer. It didn't matter anyway, he thought as he looked up at the towering building above them.

"C'mon Jase. Time to go." He whispered, nudging his brother's shoulder. Jason sniffed and looked up, nodding.

"Lets go." He mouthed. Jason shakily stood up and together they walked into the building. They looked around unsurely before walking to the front desk.

"Excuse me, me and my brother here would like to… Erm, talk to Emma Clarence, or someone, please." The woman snorted.

"Yeah, you and everyone else in London." Shane gave her a look.

"No you don't understand…"

"No, I never do." She laughed again, interrupting him. Jason scowled and slammed his hand down, making her jump.

"Do not talk to my brother like that!" he growled, "What he meant to say is, we need to get in touch with Nathaniel Grey, or you know him as Nicholas Jonas?" The woman frowned, now scared of the boys.

"I'm sorry, but you don't have the authority…"

"We have every authority!" Jason yelled. Shane put an arm on his shoulder, silently telling him to calm down. The woman bit her lip unsurely. A man walked over.

"Have we got a problem here?" he asked, glaring at Shane and Jason. The woman heaved a sigh of relief.

"Oh, Philip, these guys are giving me trouble. They're insisting to speak to Mr Jonas." She said, more confident now she wasn't alone.

"Okay guys, I think it's time to… Oh my god." Philip gasped, looking at them. Shane and Jason shared confused looks.

"Y… You're…" Philip stuttered, before grabbing them and dragging them to a quieter corner. Jason and Shane struggled, trying to free themselves from his grip.

"You're Nicks… You're his brothers aren't you?" the man whispered. Shane and Jason shared looks again before Jason replied,

"Yes, we are. How do you know?"

"He has a baby photo of you in his home. He told me about you. You haven't changed at all, since you were babies, I'd recognise you anywhere! I'm his manager." The man answered, before his brow furrowed in confusion.

"What are you doing here?"

"We saw him on Hot Tunes UK, it's the first time we saw him since he ran away. We thought he had died. We had to come to him. He's our brother, it breaks our heart to see him like that." Shane replied, eyes swimming with tears. The man bit his lip.

"I… I don't know if I should… How would he react?" A tear ran down Jason's face.

"Please. Please! I'll get down on my knees and beg. You have to let us see him. Please!" he pleaded. The man sighed and looked around.

"Okay… Follow me, to my office. I'll give you the address. If it will cheer him up for once, save his music, then I haven't got a choice, really, have I?" Jason and Shane grinned, eyes full of tears.

"Thank you! Thank you so much, we can never repay you for this!" they chorused.

"If it cheers Nick up, then that's all the payment I'll ever need."

Waking up, Nick felt woozy. He looked to his clock as the numbers danced around his head. Uh oh. It was 8am. He'd forgotten his medication last night! This was not good. He stood up shakily, stumbling as his feet failed to support his weight.

"Philip!" he yelled, voice hoarse. No reply. He was alone. This wasn't good. He gulped and looked at the floor, which was swimming beneath him. He tried again, supporting himself on the wall. He put one foot in front of the other and took a step, knee's crumbling below him, though he managed to grab the chest of drawers to prevent him from falling again. It was never normally this bad. Slowly he made his was to the bathroom, tripping and clinging onto the sink for support. He pulled open the cupboard and yanked out a needle, he leaned over the sink and used his other hand to get the strap, using all his effort to tie it on. He ripped open the needles packaging with his teeth and shoved it into his arm quickly, flinching as it made its way. He pushed it down and pulled it out when all the insulin had gone. He was still woozy. He pulled out all of the other stuff, carefully making sure not to fall. He filled the sink and splashed his face as the room slowly stopped spinning. He shut the door of the cupboard and looked at his pallid reflection, poking the dimple on his cheek and rubbing his lifeless waxy skin. He sighed in thankfulness and the room completely ceased to spin. He pulled out three pills and swallowed them quickly, hating the feeling of the lumps sliding down his throat, before pulling out an alcohol pad. Just as he reached to swipe his fingertip, the doorbell rang. Who could that be? Philip had his own key. He sighed and slowly made his way to the door, unlocking the latch and pulling it open. He froze as he took in the two forms in front of him.

"Hello Nate."


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Disney, Camp Rock, or the Jonas Brothers at all! Sure, I wish I did, but I don't :( No copyright intended. I'm sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes as auto correct wouldn't work properly. Also, I'm sorry if anything is medically incorrect, it all came out of my mind and imagination****, and I hope I don't cause any offence with my portrayal of depression, I aren't stereotyping or anything, it's just how I thought his character should be x**

I'll Be Fine – Chapter 5

Shane pressed the doorbell to the small, private house and held his breath. Jason put his hand on his shoulder and comfortingly rubbed it. They gulped as a form made its way to the door, freezing when they heard a key turn. When the door opened, they took in the almost unfamiliar person in front of them. He looked so much worse than on TV.

"Hello Nate." Jason choked out as their brother stood frozen in the doorway. Tears pricked Shane's eyes as he took in his brother's almost lifeless form. His waxy, white skin with lifeless dead eyes almost completely covered in greasy, scruffy corkscrew curled hair. His ever permanent frown was a scary shade of white just like his pale face. Shane could almost clearly see his ribs through his tight shirt, showing how much weight he'd lost. Shane watched as a tear leaked from the corner of his brother's eye as all three stood in an awkward, frozen silence, until Jason let out a loud sob, and jumped forward, pulling Nate into a hug. Nate looked terrified as Jason sobbed onto his shoulder. Shane just stood awkwardly, unsure if he was invited to join, until Jason turned and pulled him in. Shane began crying too as they stood in a beautiful moment of reunion. After a moment, Nate pulled away and just stared, before he stiffly whispered in shock,

"What are you doing here?" Jason wiped his eyes,

"We saw you on TV, and had to come get you, Nate. We missed you. We thought you were…" he trailed off, Nate knew what he was going to say, before turning to Shane.

"I'm sorry." Was all Shane could say, choking the two words out in between frenzied sobs. Nate nodded and shivered, and Jason saw just how fragile his brother was,

"Let's go inside. It's cold out here." He muttered, Nate nodded, and led them inside. The door shut behind them and made Shane jump.

"What were you doing before we got here?" Jason asked. Nate shrugged.

"I was checking my blood sugar and taking my medication." He whispered, leading them into the bathroom. Shane and Jason flinched when they saw the needles and pill bottles littering the sink. Nate nodded in understanding.

"How are you doing?" Shane asked. Nate frowned.

"I'm ok, I've adjusted. It's automatic for me now." he mumbled, turning to continue with what he was doing. Shane and Jason watched as he swabbed his finger and pulled out a lancet, pricking it straight into his finger, Jason jumped, eyes wide and Shane shuddered. They watched as he wiped the blood on a stick and shoved it into a small machine.

"What does that…" Shane began.

"Blood lever reader." Nate answered, knowing what he was going to say. Shane nodded sadly.

"114." Nate frowned.

"Is that bad?" Jason asked, worried at Nate's frown. Nate shook his head.

"No, no, it's good."

"Then why are you frowning." Shane butted in. Nate shrugged.

"I always frown, I can't help it." He replied. Shane frowned at his depressing reply.

"Oh." Was all he could say in return. Nate packed away all the items cluttering the sink, before turning to his brothers and sighing.

"Okay, this is awkward. What do you want with me?" Jason and Shane frowned.

"You're our brother, Nate. We just wanted to know you were okay. And we missed you. Don't you know how much we love you?" Jason whispered, beginning to cry. Nate rolled his eyes.

"You sure as hell didn't give a damn when I left, so why now?" he hissed. Shane growled, grabbing hold of Nate's shoulder in fury.

"Don't you _dare _say that, Nate! Do you know how worried we were? Do you know what state I found Jason in when I returned home, and he was sobbing on your bedroom floor, looking for a hint to where the hell you had gone?" Jason flinched at the memory…

_**Flashback**_

_Jason grinned goofily as he unlocked the front door to Connect 3's huge mansion. It may be huge and spacious, but it was still warm and homely to the three brothers. Sure, their family couldn't live with them, and it was a fact that they hated, they were all incredibly family oriented. Jason smiled as he opened the heavy wooden door and walked into the room, the warm hitting him like a shovel. His family, friends and fans might think he was an idiot at the best of times, but he wasn't as stupid as they thought. Not at all. Though he could still have his moments, at times. Sometimes... Often... Okay, he would admit that he could be stupid most of the time, but he knew when. And he was never as oblivious as he acted. Jason laughed at himself, and walked into the cosy living room, throwing down his backpack and his phone and sighing happily, taking off his shoes._

_"Ah, life in the fast lane... I'll never get tired of it!" he sighed dreamily to himself, before laughing and grinning at his random weirdness and rolling his eyes at himself. He looked around the room. It looked untouched, like no one had been in yet._

_"Shane? Nate?" he yelled. No reply, they musn't be home yet... But Nate text him an hour ago to tell him he was home, because Jason had worried about him being struck by lightning. He shuddered, that kind of stuff just happened out of no where. But still... It was wierd how he'd text but he wasn't actually home... Very wierd indeed... Jason walked into the hallway and frowned, which wasn't a regular appearance. Then he gasped. What if he had been struck by lighting on the way to the door and been completely fizzled away! He looked around in panic, before seeing the coats on the floor. The living room may be untouched, but the hall certainly isn't. _

_"So somebody must have been home!" he sighed in relief, noticing all the little signs. The books that had been knocked off the desk, the broken glass on the floor, the heating on... Yeah. Somebody had been home! Wait... Broken glass, knocked books, radiators on? _

_"This spells trouble!" he said, stroking his chin like a detective, before frowning again and striding over to the coats, picking them up and putting them back on their own hangers. _

_"Shane's, Mine, Nate's, Nate's, Mine." he identified each coat as he hung it..._

_"Wait, where's Shane's other coat?" he asked himself, confused. They always kept two coats each, though every outfit had it's own coat, they were mostly for emergencies, really. He then turned to the desk, tip toeing around the broken glass and swooping down to scoop up the fallen books and place them back on their little home, neatly putting them in the order they were usually kept in. He wiped a speck of dust off of one before turning and kneeling down and taking a look at the glass. It looked like it used to be just a plain glass, and there was no damp spot on the carpet, so it must have been empty. Hey, he was good at this detective thing, he thought to himself. He rolled his eyes and carefully picked up the larger pieces of glass, standing up and placing them into the bin. Finally, he reached to turn off the heating at the dial... But it wouldn't turn._

_"Huh?" he looked up in confusion, before realizing that it wasn't switched on at that dial. _

_"Oh... That's strange." he mumbled, walking into the kitchen to take a look at the board. The red light was flashing next to his brother Joe's messy, scrawled handwriting, showing the name, 'Nate'. _

_"But that's even stranger. Nate never turns the heating on." He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, before sighing and striding through the hall and up the stairs, barging into Nate's room and flicking the heating switch and then turning to leave the room. Wait a minute... He turned back around, trying to put his finger on the difference in his room. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he saw a piece of paper lying on the floor. Stepping over to Nate's bed, he bent to pick the piece of paper from the carpet and read it out loud to himself._

_"Hey, it's Nate. If this is Shane reading, I'm so sorry, dude, but you're a jerk. You brought this on yourself. I didn't walk out on Connect 3. Jason, if it's you, I really am sorry. I need time to calm down." Jason frowned, looking around the room, the difference finally dawning on him. His eyes widened, and he ran to Nate's drawers, yanking them open in panic, gasping as he saw what was inside, then running to the wardrobe and pulling that open too._

_"No! No, no, no!" he yelled, running to his guitar closet and shoving the door to the side. His eyes, now slightly damp with tears, took in the sight before him. All of the guitars were there. Every one. He frowned, pushing the door open a tiny bit more. His eyes widening again. No. No, no, no! Not that guitar. Not that one! No. That was the first guitar Nate had ever got. The fact he'd taken that one gave the entire moment a scary tone of finality. Jason's eyes brimmed with tears as he fell to his knees, head in hands. _

_"No, no, no, no, no..." he wailed, tears erupting and rolling down his cheeks. The realization of what was happening had just sunk in. Nate was gone. Gone. Gone, gone, gone, and it was all his fault. If he... If he had just... Been there. Just been there a little more for him, then maybe... Jason's eyes widened once again. What if Nate got into an accident? What if he had already been in an accident? What if he was hurt? He was only seventeen. Not even an adult. Not yet. All of a sudden, Jason was vaguely aware of the door slamming downstairs and the soft thudding of footsteps on stairs. Jason bolted up and ran out onto the landing._

_"Nate!" he yelled, tears still streaming down his face, "Nate... Nate! Oh, thank god!" Then he stopped, and frowned._

_"Oh."_

_"Jason, Jase, what's up?" Shane asked worriedly, running up the stairs to his older brother._

_"I... I thought you... I thought you were Nate." Jason sniffed miserably. Shane froze._

_"What... What do you mean? Where's Nate?" Shane gulped, pushing Jase out of the way and jogging into Nate's bedroom._

_**End of Flashback.**_

Jason snapped out of his memories as a hand waved in front of his face. He looked up to see his brothers' worried faces.

"Jason?" Shane whispered curiously. Jason then burst out into tears uncontrollably, and leaped at Nate, yanking him into a hug.

"N… Never leave us again, Nate, please… Never leave me again… I missed you so so so so sooo much! Please!" he sobbed into Nate's ear.


End file.
